sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
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