I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
