you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
