THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
