I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
