he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
