Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
