It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
