I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
