just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
