Girls should come with a carfax report
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
