You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
