There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
