I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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