just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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