so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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