I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
