I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
