Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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