you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
