I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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