They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Randomize
