So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Randomize
