It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
