So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
