I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
