"it" just moved
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I looked at my own cervix.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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