...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
