ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
