So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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