whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
