So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
