im having a threesome with these popsicles
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
people are starting to question the shark bite story
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
