weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
