When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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