I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
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