He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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