You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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