Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
