Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
