Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
