She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
