I need help removing her.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I will be naked everywhere
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
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