Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
my poor anus
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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