I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Randomize
