goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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