As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Randomize
