You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
