we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Randomize
