I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
