you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
